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Some Things that Won’t Stay in Vegas

Wherever you go, there you are. I’m not sure who first coined that quirky phrase, but its profundity is sin city las vegas screen print back.jpgoften missed. You cannot escape yourself; wherever you go, you bring your baggage.

But don’t tell that to the Vegas crowd.

Las Vegas has become more than just the gambling mecca of the world — it is Babylon squared, enclave for the new hipster, filling station for the terminally empty. Are you bored? Feeling down? Teetering from existential dry rot? Hey, nothing that a weekend in Sin City can’t cure. Or maybe you just want to find what you’re missing, flaunt what you got, or simply defribulate your dying endorphines. There’s enough buffets, cabarets and silicone implants to satisfy the most insatiable appetite. I mean, who doesn’t want to leave behind their crappy, hopelessly bored life for a weekend of uncensored hedonism? In this, Las Vegas has successfully capitalized on the basest of human drives.

orgy3.jpgPerhaps this is why the “What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas” promo, is so popular. Not only do we want a place to lose ourselves, we want a respite from the consequences of that “loss.” We want a third serving of caramel cheese cake without the subsequent indigestion. We want to go “all in” and still have some left. We want the thrill of liftoff, without the whiplash.

Okay, so it’s a catchy phrase. But it flies in the face of everything we know to be true and the most basic of biblical principles. Like these two:

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. (Galations 6:7)


You have sinned against the Lord; and be sure your sin will find you out. (Numbers 32:23)

Yikes! The rubberized PR goons conveniently forgot to mention that. Instead, they keep serving cocktails to granny while she whittles away her Social Security check.

Nevertheless, despite the slick ad campaign, some things that happen in Vegas WON’T stay there. Here’s a sampling of

Some Things that Won’t Stay in Vegas

  • Your hangover
  • Those pics of you in a thong and an Elvis wig all over the internet
  • The unpaid hotel bill
  • STD’s
  • OJ’s felony
  • The marriage certificate from La Chateau de la Matrimony
  • DNA on your front car seat
  • The people who saw you make an ass of yourself
  • A guilty conscience

fat_elvis.jpgSee? Despite the catchy ad — and the promise of pardon — wherever you go, there you are. We reap what we sow, even if the seeds are scattered hundreds of miles from home in the Nevada wilderness. Anonymous sex and cheap steak dinners still have a price tag. About the only thing that ever really stays in Vegas is your hard-earned money.

Oh well. Let’s eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we. . . get the bill.

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{ 5 comments… add one }
  • Nicole September 20, 2007, 3:34 PM

    Very slick post, Mike. So very, very true.

    And the thing is you don’t really have to be in Vegas, do ya? “Sin City” is where we’re at without even traveling outside the house sometimes.

  • matty September 20, 2007, 5:38 PM

    I believe Vegas is much more than a cesspool of sullied hedonism and insidious foul play. Everybody knows that Vegas obliges those beseeching sensory titillation. Everyone, especially the pious, can damn and curse the very concrete that the behemoth sin factory is built upon regardless of how trite, monotonous, and assailable the rhetoric may be. Because in the end, not all roads lead to Vegas.

    Having endless possibilities of excess at your fingertips teaches you a lot about yourself. Whether you take part or whether you don’t, just being able to – it is or can be a moment of self actualization. In Las Vegas the only boundaries are those that your conscious cannot surpass, which is quite simply: dangerous. But… enthralling.

    I’ve been to Vegas with a lot of people – everyone goes with a different expectation, excitement or fear. It seems like each time I have gone I have been at various levels of maturity – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Thus, upon returning my outlook is slightly different, not so much on Las Vegas, but on the essence of American culture. Vegas reveals who we would be without limits of sobriety, lust, money, greed, etc. – the list is endless. Maybe that, and the possibility of copious fortune, is the reason Vegas must exist. If we don’t know who we would be without limits, how do we know where to limit ourselves?

    And Mike, that verse from Numbers. That is pretty intense. Those bound by that sense of guilt, the feeling that your transgression will perpetually hunt you down – they might need a redeemer, someone who can release that burden. Maybe a redeemer with an everlasting truth – one that might set you free. Or else, why believe? Why believe in fear?

    I don’t know… that’s just my 2 cents.

  • chris September 20, 2007, 6:40 PM

    There are some funny yet true lines in this post. Such as:
    “they keep serving cocktails to granny while she whittles away her Social Security check.”
    And “Let’s eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we. . . get the bill.”

  • Moak September 22, 2007, 9:45 PM

    Well worded post on the debaucheries that attend our ever move… A friend of mines brother’s got his g/f pregnant that sure didn’t stay in Vegas haha..

  • Ame September 22, 2007, 11:42 PM

    VERY funny!

    I actually went to Vegas once … many, many years ago … with my ex … and I hated every moment … couldn’t wait to get out.

    How we, as a culture, everywhere, have deceived ourselves … that we can keep secrets … that what we do is not really “sin,” and that even if it is, it will not find us out.

    I think I might be getting used to this a little by now … but I had to go to the family doctor yesterday, and as a single woman … they want to know how many sex partners I’ve had. And they’re always shocked when I say, “none.” And even more shocked when they find out how long it’s been since my ex moved out … and it’s been … none. How sad. How very, very sad. Telling them I’m not married means nothing … well, I guess it means something in this world. It means that, with all probability, rather than only having one sex partner, as is more highly probable in marriage, I have probably had multiple. Very sick. I wonder if they think I’m lying. No tellin.

    btw – I like your new pic!!!!!!!

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