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Can a Christian Be Gay?

R confessed to the leadership of our church that he was gay. He also professed to believing in Christ and wanting to change. He had been attending our church for several months, but R kept falling back into old habits, going to a local gay bar, and succumbing to sin. I’d been a Christian for four or five years and was now in a leadership position in that relatively small church. Frankly, we did not know how to handle R. So he made the rounds, taking turns getting forgiveness-blur2counseling from the pastors, including myself. We asked the typical questions — “What was your relationship with your father like? What do you do when temptation arises? Are you reading the Bible and praying enough?” We did not view him as a non-believer, nor a “second rate” Christian. Nevertheless, we were lost as to how to help this man. Eventually, R stopped attending our church.

Wesley Hill, author of Washed and Waiting, is a celibate gay Christian. In commenting on Exodus International’s closing, Hill suggested that one of the problems with Exodus was “reparative therapy,” the treatment at the center of the movement which held that through prayer and various religious means, one could experience a reversal of sexual orientation. In First Things, After Exodus, What?:

“Reparative therapy has never owed much to Christian theology in the first place—its roots lie more in Freud than in the teachings of Jesus or the apostle Paul—so it’s high time that evangelicals became much more familiar with what the Christian tradition itself has to offer those who experience same-sex attraction, namely, a long history of practice and reflection on both celibacy and same-sex friendship. These historic Christian resources haven’t been entirely absent from evangelical discussions, but I think most would agree that they haven’t been prominent.”

To my knowledge, the “celibacy option” was never suggested to R. But in hindsight, we had no paradigm for even suggesting that option. “Gay Christian” was not in our vocabulary.

Of course, some would say that being gay is technically defined by the act, not the attraction. If this line of reasoning is correct, a person is not really gay until they act on the impulse. However, as in all lifestyles, attraction or impulse precedes practice. You can’t be gay — or an adulterer, glutton, or thief — without first having the “orientation.”

So was R more “Christian” the less he went to gay bars? Was he less gay the more he resisted same-sex attractions? Or did the fact that he still had the impulse prove that he wasn’t a Christian in the first place? If we apply any of those options to heterosexual Christians, we’re all in trouble.

The Bible says, “Everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved” (Rom. 10:13, Acts 2:21, Joel 2:13). By “everyone,” I’m assuming that includes gays… and adulterers, gluttons, and thieves. Scripture also confirms that one can be saved and still sin. Which is why the apostle John declared that whoever says he is without sin is a liar, but if we confess our sins, God is faithful to forgive us (I Jn. 1:8-9). Furthermore, most sins that the saved commit — I specify most because the Bible speaks, somewhat vaguely, about an unpardonable sin — don’t jeopardize their salvation. Take King David who committed heterosexual adultery, yet was still considered a servant of God and a “man after God’s own heart.” Yes, he was punished for his sin. Yes, his family suffered, even the entire nation felt the consequences! But his sexual attraction and subsequent surrender to it did not terminate his essential relationship with God.

So if heterosexual sin does not stop someone from being (or staying) saved, why should homosexual sex?

Which is why the question that most evangelicals are really asking here is, Can a person remain a practicing homosexual and be a Christian?

Take a look at how the apostle Paul frames this:

“Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral nor idolators nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” — I Cor. 6:9-11 NIV

It is important to notice that homosexuality is included in a list along with other, shall we say, common sins. It is not referenced as any more or less sinful. This is important because of the tendency among some religious folk to view homosexuality as more heinous than adultery, greed, or slander. However the gist of the text is not to make a laundry list of sins, but to look at lives heading in two opposite directions – those who inherit the kingdom of God, and those who don’t.

So is Paul saying that a Christian who commits adultery, slanders someone, and then goes out and gets drunk loses their salvation? Or is Paul saying that it’s impossible for a Christian to EVER sin? Well, as I suggested, biblical history contains enough flawed saints and enough instruction about God’s forgiveness to answer both questions in the negative.

At this point, a quote from Lewis in The Great Divorce may be helpful:

“Hell begins with a grumbling mood, always complaining, always blaming others… but you are still distinct from it. You may even criticize it in yourself and wish you could stop it. But there may come a day when you can no longer. Then there will be no you left to criticize the mood or even to enjoy it, but just the grumble itself, going on forever like a machine. It is not a question of God ‘sending us’ to hell. In each of us there is something growing, which will BE hell unless it is nipped in the bud. ”

I think this is what Paul’s getting at in the above verse. We were once “grumblers” who, had we not repented and came clean, would eventually become an eternal Grumble. Yes, we still occasionally grumble. But we are moving the opposite direction. We have changed. We are not who we once were. We are not a Grumble. God has changed us on the inside! And so the longer we follow Christ, the less grumbling we do.

This could apply to any sin. Are we nipping it in the bud, or allowing it to consume us, assimilate us? Are we becoming a Grumble — or a Groan, an Itch, a Pervert, a Nag, or are we “still distinct from it”?

As Philip Yancey suggested, There’s only two types of people in the world: Sinners who admit it and sinners who don’t. Likewise, according to Scripture the big difference is between the soul who denies their sin, justifies it, perhaps even flaunts it, and the one who wrestles against sin, sometimes falls (maybe even often!), but continues to repent, seek forgiveness, and try again.

I don’t see how this is any different for a homosexual.

So can a Christian be gay?

We must always be cautious, I think, about pronouncing who is and is not saved. Jesus turned religious convention on its head, saying that the first will be last, and that heaven will be full of surprises. Furthermore, everybody is in process of moving to God or away from Him. Gays can be in that process too!

Is homosexuality a sin, an abnormal lifestyle? I believe Scripture is clear on that. Can a person be in that lifestyle and moving towards God? Absolutely! Can a gay person be saved and still struggle with their homosexual attraction, even occasionally fall into sin? Why not? Heterosexuals do it all the time!

Which brings me back to R who, God knows, I wish I could talk to one more time.

{ 19 comments… add one }
  • Ricardo Williams June 27, 2013, 5:55 PM

    Wasn’t Paul a murderer? Should he have the final word on Homosexuals?
    The answer to the question is I don’t know. This decision is between the homosexual and God. I have my own battles trying to live a Christian life that it will be unfair for me to tell someone whether they can or cannot be a Christian because they are Gay.
    If the Gay person is honest they can answer the question, “Is the Holy Spirit residing in you?”
    I think the environment that we hang out in is important in protecting our Christian faith. Being straight and Christian, I won’t go and hang out at a strip club, or a gay bar. I think it will be inappropriate and I won’t be a good role model for my kids if I did that. That said, I am no way perfect because any sin leads to a bad role model and we are all sinners.

  • Randy June 27, 2013, 6:03 PM

    Yet, I will note, the key seems to be understanding that you ARE in sin, and engaging in the STRUGGLE. It’s when we STOP struggling, I think, that we have walked away from Christ and back into sin.

    • Kim June 27, 2013, 6:55 PM

      Exactly, Randy. Jesus demands holiness or at least try to walk in holiness. To say, I’m gay and I have a partner, get over it is like spitting in Jesus’ face. Romans says we are dead to sin and should sin no more. Paul explains that anything that is opposite of what God wants us to do is sin. I’m not going to patronize someone b/c I want to be PC. I would hate if someone were PC with me b/c they didn’t want to offend me and I ended up tossing Jesus aside.

    • Nikole Hahn June 28, 2013, 8:10 AM

      I agree and that goes for hetersexuals, too, who live together.

  • Robert H. Woodman June 27, 2013, 6:27 PM

    Mike, thanks so much for that thoughtful post.

    I suggest that part of the problem that the LGBT community has with the Christian community is that Christians are perceived as being quite hostile to homosexual/bisexual behavior and transgender issues and yet are perversely (I use the term deliberately) and hypocritically silent on other types of behavior that are also profoundly sinful. For example, we call porn a sin (and it is), yet we give it scarcely a fraction of the attention we give homosexual sin. Might it have something to do with published statistics that say that no less than 50% of Christian men have used porn recently? (And, I will note, the use of porn among Christian women is also rising.) As another example, Protestant Evangelicals have closely identified themselves with the Republican Party in recent years, yet there are some real justice issues that arise from Republican positions that ought to give Christians concern. Protestant Evangelicals (largely and collectively, I know there are exceptions within the group) dismiss, deny, or (at best) refuse to think deeply about many of these issues. I won’t even get into the hypocrisy within Christian circles about divorce and remarriage, because then I’ll be stepping on my own toes. :$

    A Christian can have same-gender sexual attractions. The issue is whether or not that Christian is living his or her life in line with Scripture, which clearly calls homosexuality a sin, though, as you pointed out, not a greater sin than, say, fornication, adultery, or drunkenness. Celibacy and chastity are supposed to be normative Christian values and practices. Holiness is the lifestyle to which we are called. Until we start living the Christian life authentically, we don’t have much cred to talk about sin.

    Just my $0.02.

    Again, thanks for such a deeply thoughtful post.

  • Ame June 27, 2013, 7:05 PM

    very well written and thought out and backed up. i have thought about these things much and have many thoughts.

    this is critical: “I think this is what Paul’s getting at in the above verse. We were once “grumblers” who, had we not repented and came clean, would eventually become an eternal Grumble. Yes, we still occasionally grumble. But we are moving the opposite direction. We have changed. We are not who we once were. We are not a Grumble. God has changed us on the inside! And so the longer we follow Christ, the less grumbling we do.

    This could apply to any sin. Are we nipping it in the bud, or allowing it to consume us, assimilate us? Are we becoming a Grumble — or a Groan, an Itch, a Pervert, a Nag, or are we “still distinct from it”?

    As Philip Yancey suggested, There’s only two types of people in the world: Sinners who admit it and sinners who don’t. Likewise, according to Scripture the big difference is between the soul who denies their sin, justifies it, perhaps even flaunts it, and the one who wrestles against sin, sometimes falls (maybe even often!), but continues to repent, seek forgiveness, and try again.”

    there are those who totally ignore the Truth and their own truth … in order to do so, they blame others and do not take responsibility … or they find ways to justify their behavior – often, when inside the church, using the bible out of context to justify their behavior. i have been wounded deeply by several like this close to me, and in the end i always come to the same place: deep sadness. they have allowed their sin to consume them, assimilate them, till they can no longer tell any distinction. they are blind as to how deeply they wound others in their path.

    i believe that God gives everyone a chance to follow Him, and in my heart, i have to believe that the reason some continue to live in such bitterness from being so consumed in their sin is that God is hoping they will change, repent, and turn their hearts toward Him. does it matter what that sin is? not really; it is sin. while all sin is sin to God, though, not all consequences are equal – some will pay a higher/harder price than others … and some in the wake of the one who makes such choices will suffer from said consequences at a much higher price than others. sadly, as the bible states clearly, sexual sin of any kind will have more harsh consequences (1 Corinthians 6:18). and the bible spends a lot of time warning against all kinds of sexual sin … because God knows how weak we are, and He knows how devastating the consequences.

    those in my life who have wounded me with their choices of sexual sin continue to justify their choices and blame others. i forgive them, yes. but i long for repentance so our relationships can be healed. alas, i cannot make that choice for them.

    is homosexual sin any worse than heterosexual sin? no. but it is a sin … and the consequences may not be equal.

  • Jonathan June 27, 2013, 10:37 PM

    I think you nailed it. I have recently come to the realization that homosexuality IS a nature thing. It is a human nature thing in that as a human we are born to sin and can’t avoid it. Homosexuality is just as wrong as pre-martial and extra-marital sex. Condoning one without condoning the others are hypocritical. They are all 3 sins, and none “worse” than the others. Yes, there can be a Gay Christian. Even a practicing Gay Christian (practicing both that is). Ultimately it is our ability to resist sinning, whether homosexual, pre-marital, or extra-marital that will make the difference. And it is another whole post on whether it is our ability to resist or His influence on us that gives us that resistance.

  • T.W. Johnson June 28, 2013, 12:56 AM

    (26) For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:

    (27) And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet.

    (28) And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a REPROBATE MIND, to do those things which are not convenient…

    (Romans 1:26-28 KJV)

    I believe the key concerning this issue is in verse 28…”God gave them over to a REPROBATE MIND, to do those things which are not convenient.”

    The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines reprobate as:

    1. to condemn strongly as unworthy, unacceptable, or evil
    2. to foreordain to damnation
    3. to refuse to accept: reject

    As far as the unpardonable sin goes…it’s blasphemy against the Holy Ghost.

    (26) And if Satan rise up against himself, and be divided, he cannot stand, but hath an end.

    (27) No man can enter into a strong man’s house, and spoil his goods, except he will first bind the strong man; and then he will spoil his house.

    (28) Verily I say unto you, All sins shall be forgiven unto the sons of men, and blasphemies wherewith soever they shall blaspheme:

    (29) But he that shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost hath never forgiveness, but is in danger of eternal damnation.

    (30) Because they said, he hath an UNCLEAN SPIRIT.

    (Mark 3:26-30 KJV)

    Equating a supernatural miracle or incident from the Holy Spirit as originating from Satan is committing blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, for which there is no forgiveness.

    I believe there is a stipulation, though. It seems only right for a person to have some kind of understanding (even a former indwelling) of the Holy Spirit in order to be condemned with blasphemy against Him. It makes logical sense to me, at least.

  • R. L. Copple June 28, 2013, 2:23 AM

    I think you hit the right notes here, Mike. The temptation to homosexual sin is like any other. Because I have certain temptations doesn’t negate my faith in Christ. Because I sometimes fall to those temptations, if I confess and repent, doesn’t negate my faith in Christ. But if I declare my temptation as okay, not wrong when Scripture clearly says it is, that can negate my faith in Christ, and if I don’t repent, destroy my soul.

    So if being “gay” is defined as having desires for sex with the same gender, such a person can be Christian. Faith in Christ means two key things. To have faith in what He said, including what activities will destroy us (sin), and faith in His mercy. With that faith in Christ, anyone can be saved.

    But I also have some gay friends who are Christian, while ignoring the Biblical warnings about homosexual sin as being outmoded and not worth following, to justify their sinful lifestyle. While I’m not prepared to judge where he will spend eternity, he is certainly in danger in large part because he doesn’t have enough faith in Christ to believe His Word.

  • Connie June 28, 2013, 10:49 AM

    I am forever trying to understand a way to be a constructive part (for God) in my nieces life who calls herself “Transgender”. She has taken on the identity of a male but has not had any operations… I love her as much as I love my own children and this breaks my heart!! I really appreciated this article, thank you.

    • Matthew Sample II June 28, 2013, 12:27 PM

      It’s always difficult when a family member stops pursuing God. I’ve got a cousin who has renounced Christianity and is practicing Asatru. I love him dearly, but if the Bible is correct he’s headed to hell. My only hope is Jesus, who seeks out the lost sheep and brings them back into the fold. And until He does so, if He does so, I’ll just keep loving my cousin. May God grant you wisdom, and your niece grace.

  • Nickolaus Pacione June 30, 2013, 5:44 PM

    Mike just after I read you and Lucia in The Midnight Diner I reaffirmed my faith — I published a controversial testimony by a former classmate that was sexually graphic about his escape from homosexuality. I stopped persuing God for a few years vowing not to set foot in a church again after I was diagnosed with bipolar type Ii. The thing about gays who are Christians — they tend to be mislead about homosexuality being okay when it is morally wrong. The first thing I did was try to share my faith with a male male romance author who tried to invade my project — he didn’t receive it that well.

  • Katherine Coble July 1, 2013, 4:13 PM

    I’ll be honest here. I don’t understand what _Kingdom_ purpose is accomplished by posts like this. Examining the sins and hearts of others is so specifically, repeatedly forbidden by Jesus Christ himself that I cannot fathom the need for this exercise.

    If you are a gay Christian asking this question of your Father God or your spiritual mentor, I understand. But for a bunch of non-gay people to sit around in an ad hoc conclave and suss out the spirituality of other parties…it’s kind of abhorrent, actually.

    I’ve read many a post from you and comments on those posts about the frustration you feel when other Christians question your faith and spirituality based upon the types of things you write and / or the style of writing you use. Why is it not okay for the little old lady writing bonnet romances to say “Mike Duran cannot be a Christian because he reads horror” but perfectly okay for you to parse the sin of homosexuality in a public forum? And yes, I know you can parse out your stance on homosexuality…just as I know the little old lady can parse out her stance on not reading/writing horror.

    I’m fine with self examination. This putting others under a microscope for the sake of some sort of mental exercise is something I just honestly do NOT understand.

    • Robert H. Woodman July 1, 2013, 4:47 PM

      Katherine,

      I appreciate where you are coming from, but when a person who has an attraction to others of the same gender tells me that it must be okay because “God is love” or “God made me this way”, I cannot, as a Christian who desires to be faithful to the Word of God, agree with that person or let his or her comments stand unchallenged.

      The same God who proclaims Himself to be love, the same God who through Jesus said, “Judge not lest you be judged”, that same God condemned a variety of sins, including adultery, fornication, drunkenness, pride, and homosexual behavior. I cannot pick and choose what parts of the Scripture I will uphold and defend, and the _Kingdom_ purpose of upholding and defending the whole of Scripture (not just the parts I prefer) is faithfulness to the God who saved me from the depths of my own sins.

      Just my own $0.02.

    • christopher clack July 1, 2013, 4:57 PM

      Katherine , your comment has been the only thing on this that really makes any sense to me , and the closest thing to something Christian.

  • J.S. Clark July 3, 2013, 9:08 AM

    I think this is an important topic to discuss. The way I take Paul’s words, is one of prophecy almost. We are all sinners, and homosexual acts are sinful, but the promise of salvation has to be an eventual end of sin. But that is God’s work, so I think Paul’s saying no one is getting into the kingdom with this still in their life, BUT because it’s a covenant based on God’s work: IT WILL HAPPEN.

    But more importantly, I’d like to hear more discussion in the church about how to help gays, rather than just determining their saved/unsaved status. I wrote a blog http://pen-of-jsclark.com/2013/06/loving-gays/ about that, asking for thoughts on how we can help. How to make it easier for people to admit the temptation and also how to respond to it, because God doesn’t seem to usually heal it over night. I’d appreciate anyone’s comments.

  • tim February 26, 2014, 8:09 PM

    I am reading im 65 and trying to get to heaven raised strict in the Wesleyan Methodist church 1950s dealing sith holiness in my life after being married and 2 kids I find myself alone lonely seeking god daily to forgive me of my sin got into the gay life even while I was 12 was dradwn to men stayed over night with a school teacher and he was performing sex and I enjoyed it then to go on now in bi polar and drawn to the same sex and like it better now after cancer cant have sex but the mental anguish I suffer and desire I pray and plead the blood for god to deliver me from all sin drinking smoking swearing all I don’t believe there will be any sin in heaven the devil and his angels were thrown out and without holiness no man shall see the lord I believe it will take a close walk to make it it I n straight is the gate a nd narrow the way and FFFF EEEE WWW FEW THERE BE THAT GO IN but I believe I can make it the devil fights today in the mental area we fight not against flesh and blood but principalties pleasr pray for me im to the point where I feel where I may have a heart attack the bible says young men heart will fail them besides all then medical problems in my life an d sin I tell people everyday about jesus his love and mercy why I live where I do how god brought to where I live so my son 41 past away here in july but found the lord through a nurse at the hospital who gave him a bible and wrote him a note telling him that the lord layed him on her heart long story and a miracle but I need god a minister therapist told me id never get to heaven being gay and bi polar if I thought there was no hope id have ended my life any other information or reading will help but mostly prayer in my mind I look at all men even though I cant have sex my mind keeps me dwelling on it email me with any help or drs I can see or computer sites my life seems like I lived in hell the last 40 yrs the last 25 alone and think about this everyday I pray and read the bible thanks for reading and your prayers

    • Jessica Thomas February 27, 2014, 7:25 AM

      Tim, It sounds like you have gone through therapy, and if so, I hope someone told you: You were sexually abused by your school teacher. It wasn’t your fault. You did nothing to cause it to happen.

  • JaredMithrandir September 14, 2015, 3:14 PM

    http://solascripturachristianliberty.blogspot.com/p/blog-page.html

    The Bible does not Condemn Homosexuality, those verses are misused by the Traditionalists. They at most, at MOST condemn Anal intercourse and nothing more. But being Legalistic even on that ignores the specific context Idolatry has in all the relevant verses.

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